The endowment session in the temple was really hard for me.
Many times I would leave frustrated that I had focused more on not falling asleep than the spirit. And not just that—even when I was fully awake, I sometimes would leave feeling like I was missing something.
I thought maybe I should take a break from the endowment. But then, almost immediately after that, I had the thought “Study faith.”
As I read about how faith is “the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen” (Heb 11:1), it hit me that this is the exact time to practice faith. It is the substance I can hold on to when I don’t understand.
Faith isn’t necessary where there is knowledge. Faith is the stepping-stone that leads us to knowledge.
Faith isn’t what we know, but where we turn when we don’t know.
A lack of understanding is not a lack of faith—it is just a fact of faith.
D&C 98:12 states, “For he will give unto the faithful line upon line, precept upon precept; and I will try you and prove you herewith.”
The FAITHFUL are tried and proved in the blank spaces that hold the lines they have not yet received. But it is worth the fight to hold that space as you wait for the Lord to author the next line. (Heb 12:2)
So I chose faith.
I decided to go to the temple every week until I received another line, focusing on the lines I already had.
After a couple of months of holding the space for faith again and again, I was praying, telling God my struggles.
And I got two words back: “I know.”
I felt a flood of God’s awareness of me. He knew why it was hard for me to focus in the endowment.
And He loved that I was going anyway. He wasn’t withholding blessings because of my imperfections; He was letting the blessings and knowledge pour down, even if I didn’t realize it at the time.
He helped me connect some aspects of my life directly to the temple to understand more of why I was there.
I received the next line.
It might take days.
Or a lifetime.
But faith doesn’t reside in any one principle. It’s in our Savior, who can help us as we struggle to understand.
And that—He—is worth the fight to come to know. Line upon line.